Monday, September 10, 2012

Memories Captured - Blessed

It's Friday again.  September 7, 2012 at 9:38 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time) to be a little too exact.  Although you're reading this a few days later.

The baby is asleep.

The husband is asleep.

Even the cat is asleep.

I am left here alone.

Just me, my laptop and my 2nd glass of wine (that I usually never drink).

I just put my big, baby girl to bed.  She fell asleep in my arms tonight, which hasn't happened in awhile.  She has been pretty good with putting herself to sleep at nighttime and nap time.  We're very fortunate.  But tonight was out of the normal.

Annaliese has been very cuddly with me lately.  Oh believe me, I am soaking it up.  Every last minute.  I think she is unconsciously grasping the fact that her mother is in need of these voluntary moments, as she knows there will soon come a day when those cuddles will be too few and far between.

You see, there are exactly 34 days left until she turns one year old.  Only 34 days!  (and less by the time you're reading this)  It seems that the year has just up and vanished into thin air.

But tonight was another night where time stood still.

Just a mother and her daughter rocking in silence.

A mother who has learned a lot about herself in the last 11 months.  A mother who has seen herself on her strongest days where she felt on top of her game.  A mother who has seen herself through her weakest moments and spent hours crying along side her crying baby.  A mother who has previously promised herself, but has recently taken action to become healthier and live healthier for the sake of herself and her child.

And here in my arms, rests my dreams, my values, my future, all in this little body that keeps growing day by day.  My shirt covered in spaghetti stains, my hair a mess, my feet swollen and sore from running, my legs unshaven, I think I forgot deodorant again today...and yet I'm perfectly content because I am blessed.

I have been a little stressed out this week because of the stupid little things that get you all worked up.  The basement being flooded (for the 100th time), the washer being broken (after just months ago the dryer had broken), the finances wearing thin (due to a certain special someone's first birthday party), the physical pain of actually working out (from being so out of shape), and the tired eyes I meet at the end of every day from my husband (and his very stressful "seeing-computer-code-in-his-sleep" job).

But this moment is mine.  Right now.  Right in this very moment, none of that matters.  All of the stress in the world couldn't take away the peace I have has with my sleeping babe in my arms.  This very moment I will treasure forever.  This moment brings tears to my eyes because I am still in awe of this beautiful little life that I am blessed to be home with every day and make laugh and watch grow.  This beautiful gift from God.  Every day I wish my Father-In-Law were here to see this little girl grow, but I know he is shining down on his only grandchild and giving her a different reason to smile.

Wiping the soft tears from my weary eyes, this mother stands up, ensures that she will not wake her soundly sleeping daughter, and I gently place her in a crib with a beautiful matching crib set fit for a darling baby girl.  It seems only yesterday, Justin and I were finishing up our baby registry and wondering what it would feel like to be a parent.  Now there she lays, in the butterfly crib set we picked and were given for a shower gift from Justin's brother, Ashley and his wife, Jenn, in the espresso crib we bought and put together, in the pajamas that were handed down to us from one of my best friends from when her daughter was much younger, and beside her security blanket/teddy bear that my aunt and uncle had bought her for Christmas.







I turn off the light and say a silent prayer and ask God to watch over my sleeping baby, as I do every night.  I also ask Him to give me the motherly strength I need to make it through every day, to remember to wake up with a positive outlook every morning and remember that there are so many others who are less fortunate and living in undeserving broken and battered homes.

I am blessed.

Linking up with Alison @ Writing, Wishing and Galit @ These Little Waves for September's Memories Captured.

23 comments:

  1. I am a total sucker for a sleeping baby! Love those shots. And isn't it true looking back that we see ourselves (the good and the bad) stretch and grow farther as a person than we ever dreamed possible in our mothering?

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    1. It's truly astounding. It's more than I could've ever imagined. I never knew my heart could grow this big. :)

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  2. Oh, beautiful writing, Cassie! Right from the heart of a Mother! This post really brings back my memories of my kiddos' babyhood, and how I wished I had started writing earlier. Maybe this will inspire a post out of me--since I can't seem to find my muse lately.

    Milestones like birthdays definitely humble you as a parent. There will be countless moments like these, but each and every one of them is special. You've capture this particular one so lovingly!

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    1. Thank you so much, Sandra. <3 Your inspiration will come. (I'm still emailing you back)

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  3. So beautiful Cassie! The first year goes by so quickly, I know. I'm so happy for your sweet moment with your (big) baby girl. Less than 34 days now and you'll be capturing another special time with her. Loved reading this post :)

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    1. Thank you, Sarah. Oh life...the explainable. It amazes me every day and even more so now, as a mother. Thank you for the comment. :) Xo

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    1. They sure are, Christina. Thanks for stopping by :)

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  5. I absolutely love this...I know I said on Twitter that you should "enjoy" your quiet, sleeping house and glass and wine and solo laptop time because for me, those days are gone. Which is true. They are. Probably forever.
    But these moments? The moments that were born for you inside of your sleep quiet house, these moments that flood us with gratitude and wonder, that fill us up with a Joy we never knew existed? They still come. I just find them in between Things, I find them when I least expect to, and they hit me hard and fast so I notice them, just as you noticed.
    I love this post, I love this writing style for you, and I pretty much feel wistful for another baby looking at your beautiful little girl.
    PRETTY MUCH.
    :-)

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind words, Kim. I love hearing stories from more experienced mothers; the good and the bad times with their children. It's very reassuring to know there are many more good times in the future, and precious moments like these still happen, even every now and then. I guess that's what makes them so much more special ;)

      You're too kind. Thanks for the love! <3

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  6. I love the description of this moment you're having. Late night wine and laptop are my favorite. I could have written this roller coaster of emotions myself. How can we be so exhausted and stressed and blessed at the same time? I don't know, but it's one of the miracles of motherhood I guess. Those pictures are beautiful.

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    1. Thank you, Adrienne! :) If there's one thing I've learned about motherhood, is that the whole package is beautiful. :)

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  7. Oh how I love a quiet moment and a glass of wine to reflect on things. Beautifully captured!

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  8. You are very blessed. So very sweet. And believe me the older they get -- the second glass of wine is not such a rarity. :)

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    1. Haha! Thank you! It's rare for me to even have the first glass, but that night, I needed it! ;) thanks for the comment!

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  9. Oh this post is so just very beautifully written. Your love for her really shines with every words. Love it!

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  10. Oh she is beautiful, just perfect. You describe motherhood just the way it is. The good and the bad. The perfect and the imperfect.

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  11. This is such a stunning tribute to your love, to motherhood, to your sweet-as-pie girl.

    I love how raw and open you are about the hard stuff, spaghetti stains at all, and I love your gentle reminder to soak it all in. It does, indeed, go so, so very fast!

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    1. Thank you, Galit. :) I am such a sucker for moments like these :)

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  12. Yes, you are absolutely blessed with your precious little girl. Beautiful.

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    1. Thank you, Mirjam. :) I appreciate your kind words and your visit!

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