100th Post - Thank You Blog

Wow.  I did it.  Pop open the champagne and celebrate with me!

100 blog posts.

I am quite shocked and proud of myself for hitting the 100 mark inside of a year of blogging.

Granted, some posts are just pictures or silly videos, but still 100 posts!

So many things I've learned about myself and about the blogging world.  So much more to learn about both.

I have always enjoyed writing, ever since my 9th grade English teacher introduced me to the great William Shakespeare and poetry.  I discovered I had a knack for writing AND that I really enjoyed putting my thoughts and feelings on paper.  It was a great release for me.  It was a way that I could attempt to have others understand me all while I'm learning to understand myself.

After about a year of writing, I started to notice that my work was getting dark and gloomy.  I was very depressed. Being bullied in school, still not getting over my parents divorce, struggling with self image issues and "boy problems" led my writing to be anything other than fun.  So I stopped.  I began to become more depressed by writing my depressed thoughts and feelings on paper and thought it would be better if I just stopped releasing my feelings and hold it in.

This of course, was not a good idea because I learned how to hide my feelings instead of feel them.  After a long time, I slowly became better at speaking my feelings to my close friends and family.  Almost to the point where some things were probably better left UNsaid, but I'm not sorry I said them.  I'm not sorry for the way I feel.  I'm done hiding my feelings.  I let a decade pass before I wanted to write again.

A few years ago a friend introduced me to her blog.  She blogged about her family and events they went to and activities they did.  She told me that to start a blog is free!  So about halfway through my pregnancy, I joined Blogger (Blogspot) and created this blog.  I was disappointed in myself for not starting sooner at the beginning of my pregnancy so I could document my progression weekly.  So I didn't start writing at all.  I thought it would be a little weird to start documenting my pregnancy mid way through.  I pushed it off to the back burner and thought to myself that I would blog when the baby came.

Well who the heck has time to blog (and LEARN blogging) with a newborn!?  What was I thinking?  If I had already gotten into the swing of blogging and understood it by starting it when I first created it, I probably would've been better at doing some blogging with a newborn.  So I wrote my first post I think when Annaliese was just under 2 months old.

It took some time to get into a writing groove.  I held myself back from writing because I didn't really like the look of my blog.  I became more obsessed with the look of my blog than the actual content IN IT.  I knew there were a lot of features I wanted to have, but had no idea how to get them.  I had chosen a template that looked pretty but didn't allow me to reply to comments (not that there were any at the time).  I also didn't know much at ALL about blogging and setting up a blog.  But with a little experience and getting some tips and tricks from some bloggers I've come across, I like how my blog looks now!  It's been a working progress!  Someday I'm sure I will change the look/layout, but that will be far down the road.

So now I think it's safe to say that "I'm a blogger."  I blog about my thoughts, my feelings, my family, my growth.  Me.  It's a place where I feel I can express myself all over again.  I have people who encourage me and support me just by commenting.  I really enjoy link ups because they direct me to read other blogs and stories!  My blog is something that I can say I created (with the help of my husband- the html code master) and I take great pride in.  :)

So thank you blog, for bringing back the side of me that I thought was gone and lost forever.  And thank you to my 19 followers for showing even a tad bit of support just by following alone.

Here's to the next 100 posts!  :)

Children Learn What They Live - The Short Version Of My Life Story

I've been thinking about my life as a whole a lot lately...and when this happens, I tend to get a little deep.  So grab your scuba gear and Let's go "Deep-Cassie Diving".  :)

Being a parent, I have learned that we have a huge responsibility to be a good role model for our children and I'm determined to take on that role and make it a positive one.
I wasn't a perfect child growing up.  I did things that I regret to this day.  As a teen I hung out with the "bad kids" and learned how to be bad.  I skipped school.  I experimented with drugs and drinking.  I even vandalized recreational property.  None of this I'm proud of but I know that it's all part of life and learning lessons.  I just hope my children will stand up for themselves and what they know is right and don't give into peer pressure...unlike I did.

I was a happy-go-lucky kid who loved my family, my friends and LOVED to dance (and still do).  I took tap, jazz and ballet and loved every minute of it!  I loved performing!  I loved crafts and being in girl scouts.  I loved my life with my family 5 blocks from the beach.  After my parents divorced when I was 8, my brother (who was 5 at the time) and I began to struggle not having our whole family under the same roof.  Summer of 1994 (age 12), my mom, my brother and I moved here to Pennsylvania from California.  My brother and I only knew each other and had no friends.  I was heading into 6th grade, which here is middle school.  The first day of school came around and I was excited to learn but was shy and nervous to meet new peers, angry that I had to leave all my other friends in California and sad because I wanted my family back.  I wished and hoped and prayed that my life would magically go back to the way things were when I was younger.  I guess you could say I lived in a fantasy land for a long time.  I know now that my parents weren't meant to be together as they have too many differences and aren't compatible, but to this day they are friends and still consider each other family.
Anyway, I slowly began to make friends, some of which I still talk to today, but I also made some enemies too.  I was picked on and made fun of by bullies and my self confidence ceased to exist.  It seemed as though I was physically ahead and academically behind everyone in my class.

So in order to fit in and feel wanted, I started hanging out with a new group of friends.  Ones that had more of a negative influence on me than anything.  Ones that taught me that it was cool to be bad.  That's when the "experimenting" began.  By age 13, I had my first cigarette.  By age 14 I had my first alcoholic drink.  By age 15 I was smoking weed, sneaking out of the house late at night and got caught stealing from a shopping mall (luckily I was only banned from the store and not arrested).

By the time I graduated at age 18, I wanted to leave my bad and negative past behind me and attend college.  I went to live with my dad in New Jersey and began falling into another negative scene.  I was still smoking cigarettes and weed and my confidence was still low.  I just wanted to get on a path where I felt I belonged and work towards my goal of getting a college degree in elementary education.  This didn't happen.  I still allowed myself to be negatively influenced by family and friends and decided that New Jersey wasn't the place for me.  At age 19 I moved back to Pennsylvania to live with my Grandma and tried to find a job.  Got involved with the wrong people again since all my friends were away at college and starting their lives.  I felt so lost.  At age 20 my aunt and uncle who also live in New Jersey, suggested that I come live with them to get a job and attend a community college there that had a great marine biology program.  So I moved in with them and in less than a year we had a falling out so I moved back to Pennsylvania to live with my mom again.  I moved 4 times in 2 years.

January 2004 I got a job with a large company called First Data.  By age 21 I quit smoking, stopped doing drugs and only drank on occasion.  Although I still lived with my mom, I bought my first new car and finally felt like I was headed on the right path with my head held a little higher.  I met my husband at age 23, we got married at age 27, had our daughter at age 28 and the rest is history.  I truly feel that meeting my husband was the best thing that's ever happened to me.  He has reassured me that the life I used to lead was not the life for me.  He's taught me how to appreciate everything I have in life and has totally changed my outlook.  It may be partially because his dad was a preacher and being a part of their family has given me the relationship with God that I believe I've always needed.  I thank God for Justin everyday.

My goals now are to still attend college, although with a baby it's a huge sacrifice to spend time away from my family to go to school, but I am determined to accomplish my personal goal of obtaining a college degree.  Even an Associates will do!  I would like to also lose the rest of my "baby weight" and get into shape so I don't struggle to lift my growing daughter and can run around with my future children.

I hope I didn't scare you away.  The person I was in my teen years is not the person I am today.  In closing, I would like to share one of my favorite poems with you.  I have it hanging in my hallway and it's something I think about when I hear of kids acting out, using drugs, drinking, gambling and trying to cheat, steal and lie their way through life.

Children Learn What They Live


If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.


What do you think about this poem?  Do you agree with all, some or none of what Dorothy writes?

Things I've Learned Since Becoming a Mommy

If you're reading this as a mother or parent yourself, then you've probably learned the some or all of same lessons as I have.  It's pretty incredible how a brand new person who hasn't learned to walk or talk yet, who is learning literally everything for the first time, who has only been in this world for a matter of months, could teach me who as a teenager thought she knew it all; as a young 21 year old, thought that life couldn't get any better than living it wild and carefree and who now at age 29 feels like I hadn’t begun to live until I became a mommy.

As I said before in a previous post, my whole life I never really could decide of a passionate career path to dedicate myself and my life towards becoming and enjoying my work.  If someday I decide I want to head towards a degree for a specific career, I'm all up for it!  However, I have always known that I wanted to become a mother, and in doing so I have learned so much about myself and about life that I never thought possible.

I have learned the true meaning of unconditional love.  It's such an important love to learn and to feel.  The very first moment I met my daughter, I had a deep and profound feeling of wanting to protect her; wanting to keep her from the sometimes twisted world and from all harm.  I had the feeling of knowing I would take a bullet for her in an instant.

I have learned that diet and nutritional needs of a human is also very important.  I was blessed with a healthy baby girl and coming from a family of alcohol, drug and nicotine abuse, I want her to know that health is important and she should stay clear of all of those things and live a healthy lifestyle.  I have started a gym membership and want to eat more healthy foods on a daily basis so that I can be a good role model for her.  I want her to be active and want her to realize the better you are to your body, the better your body will be to you.

I have also learned that with a healthy diet practice, comes a healthy poop.  Yes poop!  I have never been so  concerned over anyone's bowel movements... which would kinda be weird if I did... but since Annaliese was born, I'm constantly monitoring her poop schedules.  In a way it's kinda gross, but it's definitely a necessity in life and as a parent of a young child.  We're all human and we all need to poop.

I have learned a different careless side of me.  I don't care who's watching, if I need to jump up and down and make silly faces or sounds to make her smile, I will!  I know I can't have a 100% happy baby 100% of the time, but it's nice to think I can try to make it happen.  :)  And it's fun trying anyway.  I have found the kid inside me again and I love it!

I have learned how precious time is.  Every cuddle time, laughing moment, bath time, story time, feeding time, play time; just every moment is precious.  After my teenage years and losing some high school classmates at such a young age, I began to realize more and more how short life is.  After I lost my grandparents in 2003 and 2011 and also my father-in-law in 2011, who had suffered health problems such as Cyctic Fibrosis for all of his life...even a life that ended at an old age is still short in the grand scheme of things.  I know I've said this before, but every single one of us gets caught up in daily life somehow and sometimes it's hard to get pulled back to take a look around and appreciate the little things in life that make life wonderful.  Even something as simple as listening slowly to someone tell you that they love you.  Be in the moment and feel what they say.  Life is short.

I have learned that parenting is less about listening to advice from friends or doctors, but listening to your instincts and doing what works best for your baby.  Every new mom and dad had been subjected to unsolicited advice from family, from friends and hell even strangers from time to time and it can be VERY frustrating, especially for mom's as women are hormonal.  We were all raised differently and survived differently and although there are things I disagree with, I have to do what's best for my daughter.  It's hard to do sometimes when you hear and read all sorts of different opinions which we have the wonderful world of the internet to thank for that, but thus far, we've been able to find a happy medium.

I have learned patience.  There have been times when I was nursing that I felt like my daughter and I just couldn't get it down.  She was too hungry to want to work with me to latch correctly to nurse.  It was very frustrating.  We had our good days when it worked and more times when it wasn't working out.  It was practice and patience that kept the good feedings good.  Then of course the times when she was crying and we didn't know what was wrong with her.  Being so mentally and physically exhausted and trying to calm a crying baby isn't easy.  After having fed her, burped her, changed her and still she cried, we began to think there was something wrong.  But after many nights of this, we realized that she's just as stubborn as her parents are and was fighting sleep or had gas that was very uncomfortable for her.  Patience is something every parent needs to have and learn.  And when my patience was running thin, I had to step away, leave the crying baby and just breathe and collect myself.

I have also learned every song on The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show.  But that's a different kind of lesson.  haha!  :)

Being a mommy in the last 9 months has taught me so many things.  I appreciate each and every one of them and will continue to learn and appreciate ones that I have yet to encounter.  I love being a mommy.  I take enormous pride in this little life I helped create and birth.  I hope to be a great role model for my child and future children.  I hope to make parenting mistakes and learn from them, just like I have for most of my life.  I say this because I know that I will make mistakes and I'm accepting that now, so I'm able to move on from them quicker when they happen.  It's natural and almost indefinite.

But of all the things I've learned, "The greatest of these is love".  ( 1Corinthians 13:13)- my favorite bible verse.

Your Friendly Mama,